A Hard Candy Christmas: Advent 2023, DAY 25

 

We did it. Made it to another Christmas.

I finish my 2023 Advent devoted to my favorite holiday candies with the granddaddy of them all- the Candy Cane!

The origin of the candy cane has more theories than the Kennedy assassination. Were they from Germany in the 1670s? Or did some guy in Indiana make them to represent the Shepherd crook? Or was it the candy maker in Georgia who made them to represent the J in Jesus, adding 3 tiny red stripes to represent the Trinity? There's probably a dozen more variations to the story. All I know is that I freaking love them.

I'm not a fan of mint. And before you say that Candy Canes are mint flavored, it's not the same. Mint like in girl scout cookies or mint chip ice cream has a sugary flavor on par with mouthwash. Peppermint is this fiery sweet on par with a mild hot sauce; of which I am not only an expert on, but addicted to as well!

Regular 4 inch Candy Canes are good. But I prefer the tiny 1.5 inch variety. The texture of the candy is more like the peppermint puffs (see Advent Day X). Plus, with the small canes, you can break off a piece and save the rest in the small plastic pouch for later whereas with the regular size, all you have is this straw sized wrapper that really can't get the candy cane from getting yucky in your pocket.

My Christmas tree was decked out in not just lights and ornaments but candy canes as well.  Being a devotee of Mr. Willy Wonka, I appreciate a decoration you can eat. Sure, there are a myriad of other flavors of Candy Cane, and some are pretty good. But nothing beats that original peppermint flavor.

A Hard Candy Christmas: Advent 2023, DAY 9

Today's candy isn't a candy that I think tastes good. In fact, most of these varieties are wretched. But, as a culinary teacher, I love these confections as they're a great prank to pull on my students. I'm talking about the candy canes of various unusual flavors by Seattle kitsch distributor, Archie McPhee!

Past flavors of candy canes I have tricked students with include anchovy, butter, hot dog, ketchup, bacon and brisket. And you might be wondering why would I want to give my students such unusual candy canes? Well it all has to do with candy in of itself. See, the biggest tool to motivate students is candy. Kids will study, do homework, conduct school district required surveys and take practice quizzes for candy. They don't seem to care about extra credit anymore. If it's anything sweet and edible, they'll do something for it. Even going so far as to clean the culinary lab without complaint. Except for asking 'when do I get my candy?'

During my first year teaching, I complained to my wife at how students were going into my candy supply without asking. Then COVID hit and we didn't come back into the classroom until 2022. That year, my wife was flipping through an Archie McPhee catalog when she noticed that they sold candy canes in weird flavors. Knowing that I wanted to strike back at the kids who were taking advantage of my reputation as a Candy Man, she ordered me a couple of varieties of candy canes. I think she ordered ketchup, mac and cheese and maybe pickle. Well, the next day (after they arrived), I went and bought some regular candy canes and mixed them in with the other candy canes and I left them on my desk to conduct the sort of flavor experiment that only Bertie Botz could appreciate. 

Over the next few days, while I was teaching in the lab, I'd hear kids from my office going 'YUCK! That's disgusting!' to which I would reply 'Candy Cane?' A couple of tense seconds later, the kid would sheepishly admit 'yeah...' and I'd get a tiny bit of satisfaction in knowing I just taught them a lesson about stealing. Jump ahead to now and students ask permission first before going into my 'World Famous Candy Box'. Then they ask if what I have on hand is actually what's on the package or if what I have to offer is also a trick.

2023's offerings are hot dog (a classic!), Caesar salad, gravy and possum! According to Archie McPhee, possum tastes like pork. I'll take their world for it as I don't have the nerve to try it myself. 

For some reason, I'm having trouble giving this year's set of candy canes away. The general consensus when I offer one of my students one of these treats has been 'HELL NO!' That's been the response every. single. time. Okay. Maybe offering trick candy can go too far... 

Nahhhhhhhhhhhh.