The Punisher Back to School Special #1

My sixth year of teaching high school culinary starts tomorrow. I order to kick off the new school year, I held onto this book for a few months until just about the very last minute. Now I know what you are thinking, that I was a procrastinating student. But that couldn't be further from the truth. In high school and college (for both degrees), I hated to have assignments on my schedule and would work on them immediately; least I put it off and forget them until too late. 

When I read seasonal comics, I like to get as close to the holiday or event covered. Exceptions being Halloween-Christmas where I love spending each month reading holiday fare. I think in the 44 years that I have been reading and collecting comic books, I've probably only encountered 4 or 5 back to school specials. I found this one right before the previous school year ended at a local coffee shop that sells used comics and graphic novels. So I've been eagerly awaiting to read this book the entire summer.

There's 4 stores in this special and it's about as typical Punisher as you could expect for 1992 when this book originally debuted in stores. Lots of violence and death. Probably the max possibly allowed in order to receive a Comics Code approval stamp. It's gratuitous to the point that you really have to wonder who thought this book was a good idea to market as a back to school special?!

The first story isn't violent. Whenever the Punisher isn't punishing bad guys, he's doing his other favorite activity: mourning the death of his murdered wife and children while longing to join them in the afterlife. 

Story number #2 is Frank Castle's take on the Treat Williams gang violence in schools action classic, The Substitute. After seeing too many young people obtaining hand guns and running amok on the streets, the Punisher decides to pose as a gym teacher in order to find out where these kids are getting their weapons from. In typical fashion, the vigilante makes enemies, a couple of innocent youths get stuck in the crossfire, a red herring keeps popping up. But in the end, you can be certain that this public school will no longer have a gun problem.

Story #3 shows the effects on violence with children. A young boy who idolizes the Punisher gets to witness his hero in the flesh. But will seeing Frank Castle in action change the boy's interests or will the cycle of violence continue on it's merry, bloody way?

Lastly was a story about 2 boys who decide to skip school to pursue a life of crime. Only on their first day of work, the lads run across the Punisher who offers them a choice: continue on the road to ruin or get their butts back to school!

I was rather surprised by the second story. It, along with the first tale was written by Chuck Dixon. In the second adventure, the Punisher states that he hates guns; that he is for gun control. That just seems like the antithesis of the Punisher. Plus, if there was gun control, he'd never be able to amass the arsenal of assault weapons and bazookas and grenades that he uses throughout this book. Okay- if there was gun control, his family probably wouldn't have been moved down by mobsters. But I digress. Like I said earlier, who thought this was a good idea to make a Punisher back to school special? There's a freaking gun fight in the lunchroom. Sure, this book was published about 7 years before Columbine. In 1992, the thought of a widespread massacre involving guns and children was the stuff of Hollywood fantasy. Parents and schools were more in fear of kids being given LSD laced Garfield tattoos than in a school shooting in those days. But my God! It's not got me ready for another year of teaching in public education. However, I will say that I did learn that piles of library books can make an adequate substitute for a bullet proof vest in a pinch. 

The hero worship story by Tom Brevoort was an interesting commentary on violence in society. It was thought provoking without being preachy, which I liked. But it had a bit of an ambiguous ending, which I loathe.

The final story was actually pretty funny. I feel like Barry Dutter wrote the script to be so over-the-top that it read as a parody on the ABC after school specials. If that had been the main story instead of Frank Castle's substitute teaching assignment, I think this would have made for a much better read and been a little more appropriate. Let's face it: the Punisher isn't a character for kids. This book never should have been given the CCA stamp. It should have been listed for mature audiences. But what's even more insane is that Marvel released 2 more Back to School Specials in the following 2 years!!!

Lastly, for a time period fondly remembered by fans of dynamic new artists such as Jim Lee, Rob Liefeld and Eric Powell, the art in this book was really bad and yet 100% 1990s. Men with disproportionate musculature. Gritty, grimy scenery. Unrealistic action poses. Terrible inking that prevents any of the artwork from leaping off the page. This was definitely an eye-opening read that I'm not sure could be even considered by a major comic book publisher and I doubt it will ever be reprinted any time soon.

Rating: 5 out of 10 stars.

I Hate Fairyland, Volume 1: Madly Ever After

That's not Strawberry Jam on the end of that axe...

I had heard a lot of good things about Marvel Minis creator Skottie Young's I Hate Fairyland. So when I found this at my local library, I jumped on it. Oh, what did I get myself into???

  I Hate Fairyland is the story of young Gertrude who at 10 is whisked away from her home. She finds herself in Fairyland where she is paired with a guide, a bug named Larry, and tasked to find the magical key that will unlock the door barring her return home. Seems easy enough and armed with a map of all the known Fairyland realms, Gertrude should be home within a week.

  Jump ahead 27-years and Gertrude (Gert for short) is not a bit closer to finding her way home. She may look 10, but deep down, Gertrude has the mind of a middle aged woman who's just sick to death looking like Shirley Temple. Desperate to get home, Gertrude teeters on the edge of sanity and whoa to anyone who gets in her way, much less speaks to her in riddle and rhyme.

   I really thought that this might be an entertaining book to take with me to work and read during lunch. Folks, this is not the type of book you should take with you to work and read during lunch! Doing so just might get you sent to a meeting with HR.

  From the various compound fractures to the mass decapitations of city mice to maiming (and eatings of brains) of mushroom policemen to a massive GSW to the face of the Man in the Moon, this is not a book for kids! It might look innocent and sweet but it’s really a PG-13 book at best. It might even be a soft R with some explicit language, innuendo, middle fingers waving victoriously, and violence- lots of bloody violence.

   Now you make think having someone kill all of the citizens of Fairyland would making Gert the target of the Fairyland Queen. But Fairyland Rules prohibit the Queen from killing any who are a guest of the realm and until Gert finds the key, she’s a guest in Fairyland Proper. Thus, Queen Cloudia invites another like girl into her realm in hopes that she will find the key first and then all rules and regulations preventing the Queen from exacting revenge on Gert will be null and void. Expect a bloodbath between the two darling pixies who are guests in Fairyland- FOR NOW!

   The comic book series Invincible has been noted for having a favorite color- blood red. Well, reading this book, I felt like red was a favored color here. Then I read in the credits as the end of this book, that the colorist was none-other than Jean-Francois Beaulieu who besides from being Skottie Young’s favorite colorist, is also colorist for Invincible!

   This volume collects issues #1-5. By the beginning of the 5th chapter, I had this book pegged as having a rating of 5 or 6 out of 10. Sure, the violence was a factor for the lower rating but I also took issue with how Gert was in tune with pop culture.

If Gertrude has been in Fairyland for 27 years, that would mean she left earth in 1988 or 89. So how does she know about Terminator 2 or other movies made after 1992? That just didn't make sense to me. Plus, if she goes home, will is be back to the 80s or will she wind up in modern day 2016? Gert got a chance to see herself as an adult in one scene and she was grossly unhealthy. Wouldn't that make her wanna stay in Fairyland no matter how saccharine?

Difficulties with several plot-points aside, I pressed on with this book and I am glad I did as something magical happened. By the book's last 3 pages, something changed: a light bulb of brilliance exploded. I found myself blindsided by a twist so clever, it beats out the Denzel Washington horror flick 'Fallen' for best save of a story by a shocking ending!

I am a little sheepish to say but the finale had me rooting for Gert and clamoring to know what happens next. Who knows, maybe this little gore-fest will become a guilty pleasure of mine. And that my friends was a plot twist that I really didn’t see coming!

 

Worth Consuming

 Rating 8 out of 10 stars.

   

Black River

Set in a post-apocalyptic world that no one is quite sure how it got that way a group of women, a single fella, and a pair of dogs make for a fabled town called Gattenburg. Gattenburg is rumored to have plenty of food, drink, shelter, and most importantly- ammo! But the road to Paradise is a journey through hell on earth.

  For some reason, I thought that Josh Simmons’ Black River was a Western. It was anything but. By the grim events of this graphic novel’s midpoint, I was seriously wondering just what the hell had I gotten myself into.

  Black River, while intriguing, is the type of work that after you read it, you feel like needing to take a shower. This is not a feel good and be cosy kind of read. Plus I highly doubt that this book would ever see the big screen as several scenes are beyond words.

  I'm really not sure why I finished this book. Maybe it was the promise of a brighter tomorrow for this band of survivors. I was not a fan though the twist ending brought my rating of Black River up a couple of notches… that is until Simmons decided to include a cryptic final scene of what appeared to be a wizard walking in the snow. There's no magic in this graphic novel, so what was that all about?

  Definitely not for kids and the faint of heart. Prospective readers, consider yourself duly warned.

  Not Worth Consuming.

  Rating: 4 out of 10 stars.