A Hard Candy Christmas: Advent 2023, DAY 12

We're back in the hard candy section of the pool.  Today I'm looking at Peanut Butter Pillows. Little pockets of smooth peanut butter encapsulated around a satiny hard sugar shell. 

Some manufacturers of Peanut Butter Pillows proclaim they come from a Pennsylvania Dutch recipe. That makes complete sense to me. My Aunt Patsy and her brood lived up in the Keystone State. Every year, her family would gift my mom and her parents with these sinful creations made by the most pious people on earth, the Amish!

This isn't a candy you just crunch and munch. The real fun is sucking on the lightly peanut-flavored hard candy until you're surprised by hitting that vein of the creamy peanut butter. The whole experience was like prospecting for oil, if the oil was polyunsaturated fat.

There's a similar candy to the Peanut Butter Pillows. Old Fashion Peanut Candies are shaped like shelled peanuts with a bright yellow hue. They're thrice as big which means three times as much peanut butter. I wouldn't consider these a variant of the Pillows as I'm not sure if either candy is made from the same company. But if you get a chance to try either variety, especially if you love peanut butter, don't let a chance to pop a couple into your mouth go by!

Classics Illustrated: Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol & Notes

This 1997 edition of Classics Illustrated Study Guides reprints the original 1948 released, featuring the artwork by Henry Kiefer. Unfortunately, the artwork has been digitally retouched to the point that all of Kiefer's original nuisances have been destroyed. I was able to find several original pages of artwork from Classics Illustrated #53 and let me tell you that whomever at Colorgraphix recolored this reprint should have been arrested for desecrating artwork. Everything looks so flat and bland. There's no depth as the original shading has been all but erased. If you ever get a chance to read this book in its original form, I ask that you not judge Kiefer's art based on this edition. This volume is just not up to his masterful standards!

This was a fine retelling of the classic that basically gave birth to much of our modern Christmas traditions. There's also a large article at the end of this book that deep dives into the intricacies of A Christmas Carol. The story's life on stage and screen, a life history of Dickens, even a study of the importance of Christmas pudding are topics examined in that study guide. I only wish that essayist Debra Doyle would have explained why Dickens called this story A Christmas Carol when there's no music or lyrics to be found. That''s a tidbit I'd love to learn about. 

Including a list of study questions, this book is like the Clif Notes of Graphic Novels. While this version is much more economical to my wallet, I'm not sure if the retouched artwork is worth the savings.

Rating: 6 out of 10 stars.

A Hard Candy Christmas: Advent 2023, DAY 11

Some candy just isn't appropriate for children. I'm not talking about the amount of sugar and artificial colors in candy. That's a subject for another day. I'm talking about confections that promote adult behaviors such as candy cigarettes or bumble gum cigars; both of which I humbly admit to imbibing. Only those outdated candies don't elate holiday memories for me. Instead, for today's Advent we're looking at Licorice Pipes.

I always got 2 or 3 licorice pipes for Christmas. They were placed in my stocking by Santa. Because of how thin and sleek these guys were packaged, I tended to get to the licorice pipes last. I imagine they just shot right down to the toe of the stocking during the stuffing process. Or maybe Santa just always put them into my stocking first. 

Nowadays, if you can find a licorice pipe, they're packaged in this clear wrapper without any sort of label or identifier. Since some countries, such as Norway have banned the candy in order to stem underage smoking, the limited labeling for licorice pipes doesn't really surprise me. However, when I was younger I seem to recall Ole Saint Nick being on the little wax paper card added to the inside of the package. I seem to recall them being called Santa's Licorice Pipes. However I cannot find any evidence of this. (Mandela Effect? Or do I have a memory of something nobody else on the Internet seems to care about?)

So what does a licorice pipe taste like? Well licorice of course. But it's a much richer dark sweet flavor thanks to the molasses. Many of you might remember how gelatinous licorice whips (I.E. Twizzlers) are. Not so with a licorice pipe. They're actually kinda soft thanks to the use of wheat flour which is extremely important for the pipes to hold their shape. Without that flour, the pipes would be all floppy and droop.

A licorice pipe would probably last me about an hour. I'd pretend that I lit it up like the real thing. Usually I would read a book or watch a Christmas special while pretending to puff away at my carbohydrated nicotine rush. About every 10 minutes or so I would have to nibble down about a half inch of pipe, as my saliva would warm up the material into a mush. Once I got to the thick bowl of the pipe, I'd just chew up the whole thing.

Now there's also been a red licorice variety of pipes. I'm not a fan of those. If I was gifted them, I'd always eat them first. As I feel that red licorice has no real taste, I wouldn't savor these like the black variety. There's just no substitute for them. But obviously someone likes the red variant as they're still made to this day. Although considering how awful the red ones are, maybe companies still make them to deter kids from smoking.

Deadpool #7

Deadpool takes on his most difficult assignment: Kill Santa Claus!

All over the world, Christmas came and went with no visit from St. Nick. Wanting revenge, a group of kids hire Deadpool to kill the Jolly Ol' Fat Man. Angered from the slight, Deadpool takes the hit for a song and hikes to the North Pole to find out why Santa didn't come this year. What Wade Wilson finds isn't very pretty; nor is it festive. And yes, evil conglomerate Roxxon is to blame!

This 2018 issue was freakin' insane. Skottie Young skewers the legend of Santa Claus in a way only Deadpool could. Expect the unexpected. Nothing is sacred. But since Santa is a magically powered entity, in no way should readers expect Deadpool's next kill to be easy. 

Featuring art by Nic Klein, this is a holiday special that you'll only want to read the one time. Not that this story isn't worth an annual read. It's just that the human mind cannot encounter so much warped holiday chaos more than once in a lifetime.

Worth Consuming!

Rating: 8 out of 10 stars. 

A Hard Candy Christmas: Advent 2023, DAY 10

Earlier in this Advent, I mentioned that as a kid, I could always count on Hickory Farms and the Swiss Colony for an annual assortment of holiday treats. I've already devoted some time to Hickory Farms. Now it's time for the Swiss Colony. Now before I start, I want to point out that the Swiss Colony is now called Colony Brands. But for the sake of this blog and my fond holiday memories, I'm still calling them Swiss Colony. 

The Swiss Colony was started in Wisconsin in 1926. The name came about because of the large population of Swiss immigrants in the area and the state's reputation for making cheese. And while I am a huge fan of their port wine cheese spread and the similar chopped nut covered cheese ball, this Advent is about candy. The Swiss are also renowned for their chocolate and man, does the Swiss Colony make some darn fine chocolate. And for me, it just wasn't Christmas if some of my chocolate wasn't in the shape of an adorable mouse.

In 1958, the Swiss Colony hired artist Helen Endres to create a mascot for the company. Her creation was Chris Mouse, a little grey rodent with a white muzzle, a patchy tuff of grey hair and the cutest round little ears you've ever seen. At first Chris Mouse was dressed in European style lederhosen. But soon, he was decked out in a tiny Santa suit and became the cover star of the Swiss Colony holiday catalog which soon became colloquially known as the Chris Mouse Catelog! Along with order books, Chris Mouse has graced tins, ornaments and chocolates!

Every year, during our annual visit to Crabtree Valley Mall, after mom and dad ordered what they needed for their Thanksgiving and Christmas parties, I'd walk away with a small block of chocolate in the shape of Chris Mouse. It was so smooth, rich and creamy. Sadly, before the 1980s were through, Swiss Colony became a Mister Dunderbak's. But don't feel bad for me. As the Swiss Colony switched over to a mail order only business, my folks were still placing an annual order of holiday goodies which included that delicious festive mouse! I'm getting hungry just thinking about them!

Hmmmm... I might need to place an order for myself.

Marge's Little Lulu #166

I haven't really been a fan of Little Lulu. However, thanks to their addition to the Smithsonian Book of Comic-Book Comics and a classic treasury of holiday comics by YOe Books, I've warmed up to Lulu and her friends. 

I found this 1963 Gold Key book at an antique store over the Summer. There were about 5 Little Lulu comics and while I had those good experiences recently with the property, none of those books were crying out for me to buy them until I got to the last book in the pile- THIS ONE! At 80 pages, there are about a dozen comics stories along with 2 prose tales, all starring Little Lulu. All but one story was set leading up-to or during Christmas. The lone story that wasn't a holiday tale did involve snow. Add the piece about 'Christmases Around the World' on the inside covers of this issue and the whole book was full of festive winter fun!

In the snow story and another set in the Arctic circle, Lulu tells little brat Alvin some of her patented fairy tales with a twist. Lulu's best friend Tubby has some dumb lucky with a dried-out Christmas tree and a missing 50-cent piece in a couple of stories. However, Tub is at his hilarious best when his detective alter-ego, the Spider, solves the mystery of Lulu's missing stocking. 

Lulu is known to be a little selfish and her greed almost comes to bear when she is gifted a new dolly for Christmas. However, Lulu overcomes her green-eyed monster when she runs into a poor little girl whose family can't afford gifts for the holidays, by giving her that prized doll. Yet even that story has a heartwarming twist.

The one thing missing from Lulu's 'Christmas Diary' is her battle of the sexes with Tubby. Tubby and his pals have a club house that bears a sign warning 'No Girls Allowed'. That sexist policy often sees Lulu leading her fellow girlfriends to challenge the boys segregation from the fairer sex. I'm guessing with Santa's arrival being so close at hand, the two best frenemies were able to put away their differences in order to not wind up with lumps of coal in their stockings. 

This was an enjoyable read. A fast read. I was probably done with it in less than a half hour. Yet, this was a nice way to enjoy the holidays set during a seemingly simpler, innocent time. I know of one more Christmas themed Little Lulu comic book out there. It's on my wish list and I hope to find it some day. If I'm lucky, there might be a few more Little Lulu holiday classics that I didn't even know existed. 

Onward to the hunt!

Worth Consuming!

Rating: 9 out of 10 stars.

A Hard Candy Christmas: Advent 2023, DAY 9

Today's candy isn't a candy that I think tastes good. In fact, most of these varieties are wretched. But, as a culinary teacher, I love these confections as they're a great prank to pull on my students. I'm talking about the candy canes of various unusual flavors by Seattle kitsch distributor, Archie McPhee!

Past flavors of candy canes I have tricked students with include anchovy, butter, hot dog, ketchup, bacon and brisket. And you might be wondering why would I want to give my students such unusual candy canes? Well it all has to do with candy in of itself. See, the biggest tool to motivate students is candy. Kids will study, do homework, conduct school district required surveys and take practice quizzes for candy. They don't seem to care about extra credit anymore. If it's anything sweet and edible, they'll do something for it. Even going so far as to clean the culinary lab without complaint. Except for asking 'when do I get my candy?'

During my first year teaching, I complained to my wife at how students were going into my candy supply without asking. Then COVID hit and we didn't come back into the classroom until 2022. That year, my wife was flipping through an Archie McPhee catalog when she noticed that they sold candy canes in weird flavors. Knowing that I wanted to strike back at the kids who were taking advantage of my reputation as a Candy Man, she ordered me a couple of varieties of candy canes. I think she ordered ketchup, mac and cheese and maybe pickle. Well, the next day (after they arrived), I went and bought some regular candy canes and mixed them in with the other candy canes and I left them on my desk to conduct the sort of flavor experiment that only Bertie Botz could appreciate. 

Over the next few days, while I was teaching in the lab, I'd hear kids from my office going 'YUCK! That's disgusting!' to which I would reply 'Candy Cane?' A couple of tense seconds later, the kid would sheepishly admit 'yeah...' and I'd get a tiny bit of satisfaction in knowing I just taught them a lesson about stealing. Jump ahead to now and students ask permission first before going into my 'World Famous Candy Box'. Then they ask if what I have on hand is actually what's on the package or if what I have to offer is also a trick.

2023's offerings are hot dog (a classic!), Caesar salad, gravy and possum! According to Archie McPhee, possum tastes like pork. I'll take their world for it as I don't have the nerve to try it myself. 

For some reason, I'm having trouble giving this year's set of candy canes away. The general consensus when I offer one of my students one of these treats has been 'HELL NO!' That's been the response every. single. time. Okay. Maybe offering trick candy can go too far... 

Nahhhhhhhhhhhh.