Gross Point #7

This Christmas themed issue was one of those books that I had never heard of before but came across in my research on Christmas and holiday themed comic books. The premise is that a father with the last name of Pickett, gets a job in the town of Gross Point and moves his wife and kids to the weirdest burgh in all the 50 states. 

In this issue, the dad's boss has created a Christmas wish-list for himself. Any employee who doesn't make a purchase from it will find themselves unemployed. The gift Mr. Pickett buys ends up being like $10,000! The fam can't afford that! And with the industrial sized nose trimmer being engraved, it cannot be returned. Thus, Christmas is cancelled!

There's a backup story in this issue as well. It's not Christmas themed and it requires readers to have some prior knowledge of events that took place in previous issues. Here, Mrs. Pickett gets a new job as a tour guide of a toy factory. Things seem to be going okay until they're hexed with a voodoo curse and doomed to act out the actions of the newest set of toys being played by a focus group of destructive youngsters!

Let's go back to the main reason I bought this issue: the holiday themed hi-jinx. For one thing, I hated it. Throughout the story, there's a large tower in the center of town where people are continuously throwing themselves off of and committing suicide. Profiting off of this is a noted psychiatrist named Dr. Goodbai. Assisting him are several beauties who are persuading citizens to give into their holiday depressions and end it all.

It no way is suicide light-hearted. My best friend killed himself. It was one of the worst weekends of my life having to comfort his wife, claim the body and make burial arrangements. Nobody should ever have to go it alone. Nobody should ever have to experience all that. 

Now there was an element of the Christmas yarn that was pretty funny. The two kids in the Pickett family experience what life would be like for their parents if they weren't born. Turns out, it would have been fabulous! That ironic twist on It's A Wonderful Life was funny. But it could not excuse the plethora of jokes about suicide.

This 1997 book was published by DC Comics. I'm wondering why it wasn't published by their Vertigo imprint. This sort of edgy stuff seems to fit right in with titles like Preacher and Hellblazer. If you added some swears and maybe a little more T&A, Gross Point might have flourished as a Vertigo title. What was DC thinking publishing an ongoing series that had nothing to do with superheroes or an established licensed franchise?

I guess I'll keep this book since it is a holiday book and I might one day need this for research purposes. But it's definitely not one of my favorites.

Not Worth Consuming!

Rating: 3 out of 10 stars.

Spider-Man: The Savage Land Saga!

Reprinting issues #13-15 of Sensational Spider-Man, Peter Parker is sent by the Daily Bugle to report on a joint ecological venture in the Savage Land between SHIELD and ROXXON. To prevent the rapidly melting ice of Antarctica from wiping over the prehistoric microcosm, ROXXON has installed giant freezer units to keep the ice frozen. Only the machines are doing the opposite as ROXXON has plans to flood the land and then secure its vast oil reserves. 

This is one of those stories where in 1997 when it was published it would be considered relevant comics. Today's venomous fan base work would consider this a 'woke comic'. Featuring a memorable cameo from the Incredible Hulk, and of course Ka-Zar in a guest-starring role The Savage Land Saga feels more relevant than ever. The waters off of Florida are hotter than bath water. Sea ice is at its lowest levels ever. And the scenes where SHIELD is trying to evacuate a prehistoric village from a flood of water elicits recent memories of flood rescues in Vermont and the Golden State. 

I consider Todd Dezago and Mike Wieringo's 3-issue saga to be a chance for Marvel to dip it's toes back into Toho Studios territory. The retreating ice awakens both an ancient foe that feels that reptiles were the true rulers of earth and the looming environmental crisis awakens a Godzilla-like protector from it's ageless slumber to save the Savage Land. Don't laugh, but this savior of Earth is a giant prehistoric chicken!

The artwork is absolutely amazing. Mike Wieringo was a genius and the comic book industry has lessened in quality as a whole with his untimely 2007 passing. They just don't draw comics like this anymore, folks.

As for the writing. The dialogue is good. The plot is not. It's too cliched. If it was meant to be silly, then I'd understand. However, there's too much of this story trying to be a story that convinces readers to change their ways of life or there'll never be anymore snow. But it's really hard to take environmentalism seriously when there's a giant chicken trying to save the planet.

Worth Consuming!

Rating: 8 out of 10 stars.

Fox Kids Funhouse #2: The Tick: Raw, Uncooked Justice! And Other Stories

Featuring three hilarious comics based on Fox Kids cartoons from 1997. 

The first two stories are based on the shows Bobby's World and Life with Louie.

Bobby's World was based on the stand-up comedy of Howie Mandel. Life with Louie was based on the stand-up comedy of Louie Anderson. Both cartoons were really funny but if I had to choose between the two, I'm picking Bobby's World every time. The Howie Mandel cartoon was more imaginative as Bobby often got lost in his day dreams. Life with Louie was a tiny bit more sophisticated being based more on Anderson's life experiences. But Louie was also kinda of a jerk. 

But the reason I bought this very much beat up digest was for the cover story featuring my favorite lunatic, The Tick. It's a sequel to the classic Neil the Dinosaur episode.

It seems that Arthur's brother-in-law is growing in size once again. When the Tick and Arthur get eaten by Neil, the duo discover a community has formed in Neil's digestive tract of the people and buildings the fiend has been snacking on.

Featuring an all-star line-up of Dwayne McDuffie, Brandon Kruse, Mike DeCarlo and Michael Duggan! The Tick story was very, very funny and makes me wish that Boomerang or some other cable channel would show reruns of that amazing Tick cartoon show again! 

I loved this digest. But I feel bad for the kid in 1997 who bought this book. There's a page telling kids to subscribe to the Fox Kids Funhouse inside. But upon some extensive research, I've learned that this series was cancelled after only 2 issues. Some of that has to do with the comic book bubble bust. But some has to do with the publisher itself, Acclaim. 

Yes, who knew that the video game manufacturer made comic books? Well, it wasn't a very long experiment because Acclaim shuttered it's publishing house shortly as 1997 was right when the company started having major money issues before going defunct altogether in 2004. Regardless, based on how much trouble Acclaim had in paying it's debts, I wonder how many kids who subscribed to this broken promise never got a refund...

Worth Consuming!

Rating: 9 out of 10 stars.

Thunderbolts: First Strikes

The story of a new group of superheroes who hit the scene after the deaths of Captain America, Iron Man, Thor and the Fantastic Four. The very first two issues of the groundbreaking Thunderbolts are collected in this volume. Written by Kurt Busiek (Astro City) with art by Mark Bagley (Ultimate Spider-Man), it was a very good introduction to this team but I'm wondering if I had read this years ago if it might have been better.

Thunderbolts is a series that is over 20 years old. There's a twist at the end of issue; one that in it's day was shocking. Whether or not I should reveal it is something that I'm not 100% sure of doing. But let me say that in regards to reading this book in 2018, since I had already knew the twist, the impact of the first half of this book was lost on me. 

The second issue which has the Mad Thinker trying to kidnap a now orphaned Franklin Richards with the assistance of a Super Adaptoid was way better. I didn't have any pre-knowledge on that story and it was a thrilling ride. So much that I am eager to add this series to my wish list and eventually my collection. 

With an overall quite good first issue and a superb second issue, I am now a fan of the Thunderbolts. Bagley's artwork is top-notch for 1990s Marvel. In an age of overly-endowed and quite top heavy characters, the Thunderbolts look the way normal people as superheroes should be proportioned.

Worth Consuming!

Rating: 7 out of 10 stars, though if I was reading this at time of the original publishing, I am sure it would have been higher. 

Kid Death & Fluffy Halloween Special #1

I am in no way familiar with the main character of Kid Death. He's a boy of 12 or so. He looks a lot like Sylvester P. Smythe, the janitor mascot of the long defunct Cracked Magazine. And he likes to kill and maim! Kid Death also has a pet dog named Fluffy. The dog is also quite ripe; having been dead for some time. And he's got a very dumb and very busty sister named Bubbles.

Everything I just described was what I gleamed from reading this Halloween special. My God, what have I read???

The story of this issue is as follows... Kid Death has to go to a Halloween party with his sister. It's being held the funeral home that a friend of Kid Death's sister's family owns. At the local funeral home, business is booming. That's because the owners are killing townsfolk and then charging a literal arm and leg for burial expenses. Will Kid Death, his dead dog and brain-dead sister make it out alive? Our serial killing gravediggers have no idea just who they've let in their doors.

I found this book over the summer in a bargain bin. I thought the (variant) cover by Jimmy Palmiotti (Harley Quinn) and John Cebollero was kinda cool. Kid Death is giving some classic horror monsters the biz. But this is one of those times where you never should judge a book by it's cover. 

This special from the Event Comics was as they used to say in 1990s Southern Baptist churches: it's was rude, crude, and social unexceptionable. Some Halloween special can be enjoyed by a wide array of age grows. That's true even if the book isn't rated All Ages. But that is not the case here. This Halloween comic is very gory. It's quite gross. And it's filled with some right-wing, anti-Semitic, anti-Catholic, and pro-pedophilic imagery. 

I'm sure that the creators behind this book from 1997 aren't really deep down racists. No- I haven't unraveled a Comicsgate conspiracy. This book was created over 20 years ago, during the height of Palmiotti and best bud (and regular cover artist) Joe Quesada's immature period. People change over time. Heck, I've actually started liking Joe Q after years of bashing the guy when he was in charge of Marvel. 

Speaking of change, 20 years ago, I might have been fawning all over this special. But I've mature a tiny bit and this book was just ick... So disappointed in this. After reading, I feel like I need to take a shower. 

Not Worth Consuming and no longer a part of my collection.

Rating: 2 out of 10 stars.

Unlimited Access #1

Axel Asher, also known as in inter-dimensional skipping hero Access is back. 

This time, he doesn't just have to prevent heroes from both the DC and Marvel universes from jumping between worlds, he now has to prevent them from screwing up with the time-line.

During a period of lost time, Access discovers that the believed long dead Hal Jordan Green Latern has returned! Not only that, but the Hulk has been sent back in time to the Old West. 

Generally, when a hero from one world enters the other world, there's a loose period of time in which Access must return the interloper to their original world. To go past that limit could mean the return of the Amalgam Universe; another dimension in which the Marvel and DC Universes are blended into one. But when people are starting to be sent back and forwards in time, those rules are no longer in play.

There's no telling how much time Access has to fix time before the Amalgam world returns...

Written by Karl Kesel, a writer with experience in both DC and Marvel lore, Unlimited Access is in good hands. But this 1997 miniseries isn't written by someone who was involved with the three prior stories in the DC/Marvel crossover Saga. Having time travel being thrown into the mix was a brilliant twist. It really makes the story of Access that much more interesting and fresh.

Worth Consuming!

Rating: 8 out of 10 stars.

A Classic TV Christmas- Advent 2017 Day 23

Are you sick of the commercialization of Christmas?  Have you ever wanted to take off your shirt and just wrestle? Are you sick and tired of people and want a chance to tell them off? Do you wish that there was a special day just for you?

Then have I got the holiday episode you've been asking for!!!

It's December 23rd! That means it's Festivus- the holiday for the rest of us. 

To celebrate, we have to travel back to the Big Apple to learn of it's mystical, okay made-up, origins. From the hit television show Seinfeld, we first learn of Festivus from the December 18, 1997 episode titled The Strike. 

A lot of things happen in this episode. But it's the Festivus related stuff that has captured the attention of the nation. See, George's father hates Christmas. So, a long time back, he invented a holiday called Festivus. During this event, people must perform feats of strength (wrassle), air their grievances, and put up a bare aluminum pole (no trees here...)

When George makes up a phony charity so he can get out of giving holiday presents to his co-workers, his boss catches him in the lie. In order to not get fired, George has to take his boss to his parents house to witness the Festivus festivities. Friends Kramer, Elaine, and Jerry join along and it's complete insanity. 

Actually, I don't know which is crazier... this episode or the fact that it has caught on among fans and Christmas haters alike. A few years ago, the ice cream maker Ben & Jerry's created a Festivus flavor that was so freakin' amazing. I hope every year that it will return but alas, I think it was a one and done deal. And I keep telling my wife that one year I am gonig to put up a spotlight in front of the bare metal pole in our yard where out satellite dish once set and invite folks to air their grievances. 

Well, as my Advent gift to you, I present to you 2 gifts. First is the classic Seinfeld episode (sorry about the odd format) that debuted the concept of Festivus. Then a little primer on how to accurately celebrate the day. Who knows, maybe it'll score you an extra day off from work. 

Enjoy and until next time- Mer- uh HAPPY FESTIVUS!

Batman: Masque

Both DC and Marvel love to explore the realms of alternate histories and realities. While Marvel is great looking at small decisions that could have huge impacts. Like what if a character decided to go left instead of right on the way home from work and didn't become a superhero?

With DC's Elseworlds, they like to explore what would happen if characters existed in works of fiction. DC Comics explores other time periods and some small decision changes. But I think their alternate books are best when they tackle the classic story variants.

In this Elseworlds graphic novel from 1997, the members of the Batman Family are still in Gotham City, but it's now around the turn of the 19th century and the characters are now players in the Gaston Leroux gothic classic, The Phantom of the Opera. 

Selina Kyle is the Christine archtype; an up-and-coming opera singer in whom fate has begun to smile on her career thanks to an assortment of tragedies that have occurred at the Gotham Opera House.

Bruce Wayne is playing the Raoul role- a wealthy socialite and paramour of Selina.

But who is the mysterious Phantom that haunts the Gotham Opera House? Is it the urban viglante known as the Bat, who assists the Gotham Police at night? Or is it another unknown factor from Selina's past?

Batman: Masque was a fun read to get in the Halloween spirit (Yes, I am a little behind on my reviews.) I could so see this an an alternate reality musical episode of Gotham. The double duty of art and writing of Mike Grell (Action Comics) was near perfection. I felt that story ends a little too abruptly. Plus, I was really put off by the cover being just a recycled image from the book and not an all-new image. I just feel like that's a cheat against loyal Elseworlds readers who shelled out their hard earned money for this book. Forgivable- YES. But still annoying.

Worth Consuming!

Rating: 8 out of 10 stars.

Uncanny Origins #7

  The complicated relationship between Eddie Brock and the alien symbiote that turns him into Venom is explored in this issue. From Peter Parker first coming across the parasitic creature in the pages of Secret Wars to later bonding with disgraced reporter Brock after Parker rejects his alien 'suit' to the pair becoming a vigilante type anti-hero who seeks to destroy Spider-Man, all of Venom's history is explored right up to 1997. 

   So here's what confuses me- the cover states that this issue is 'the deadly debut of Spider-Man's Nastiest Nemesis.' Was that a typo? Poor editing? 

   At the point of this issue of Uncanny Origins being published, the Symbiote has been around for over a decade as well as the character of Eddie Brock. Their fusion into Venom occurred about 2 years afterwards. So, again, I ask, how is this the debut of Venom? 

   Oddly enough, I think this is why the issue was so gosh darn hard for me to find. It was the last issue I needed to complete my collection of this series and it cost me almost $10 (compared to spending only about a buck a pop for the rest.) Yes, Venom is a popular character but I think some fans mistakenly think this is the debut of the Spider-Man villain thanks to the cover blurb. 

   Well, folks, I am here to tell you that it's not.

   A good issue with more fantastic art by Dave Hoover. It's definitely worth reading and was worth the search, but it's not a key issue in regards to the character. So, make sure if you seek out this issue that you don't pay an arm and a leg.

   Worth Consuming

   Rating: 9 out of 10 stars.

Snowman: 1944 Special

Cover #1A.

  What a difference a year and another publishing company make. Snowman 1944 was supposed to end with issue #4. But for some reason be it creative, financial, both, Entity Comics never got around to publishing it. So in 1997, Avatar Press became the new home for Snowman and saw and end to the 1944 miniseries with this special one-shot.

    The creative team stayed the same with the move to Avatar. So, you'd think that would have kept the quality of the book up to the same level of the original 3 Snowman 1944 issues. Well, you'd be wrong.

   First of all, the book starts out with an 8-page rehash of everything that happened so far in this story. I understand that since so much time had elapsed between issue 3 and this special, that some sort of reminder was needed. I appreciate that. But none of the artwork was new! It was all cut and pasted from issues 1-3! For a $4 comic from the 90s, that's unacceptable!!!

   Then comes the story itself. When we last left Tommy Gunn, his Nazi hostage had been killed by the Snowman. Though Tommy seemed to hate to see her go, there didn't seem to be any love lost. Yet most of this issue becomes some sort of twisted fantasy between the American soldier and the Nazi officer as Tommy seeks to escape Occupied territory in a stolen German plane. Yet all this daydreaming really detracted from the story.  Not to mention that the language was (now) left unedited and nudity abounds in a book known only for being violently gritty.

   Lastly, the story does something completely unexpected and really dumb- it becomes a time travelling romp with a trio of characters that didn't even appear in either the Snowman 1944 or Origin story from the Entity books. Maybe those characters are from the original Snowman book. But if they are, I'd expect some sort of mention of them somewhere (ANYWHERE) in this book's summary or issues 1-3.

 Speaking briefly on the Snowman #0 story. It's completely gone from this issue. But I did learn that with Avatar's undertaking of the Snowman franchise, that story finally got to see print as a stand alone series. Yet, with how god awful this special was, I'm not sure if I ever want to venture out into the frigid world of the Snowman.

   Not Worth Consuming

   Rating: 3 out of 10 stars.

Cartoon Network Free Comic

  Free Comic Book Day didn't start until 2002. With this free comic being issued in 1997, I'm not sure why DC issued this book. Most freebies before the rise of FCBD usually were released in conjunction with an event- like the first day of the World's Fair or during the release of a new movie. Sometimes collectors could send away for a free comic if they collected enough UPC codes or you could garner a freebie by stopping by a car dealership or other business.

    With those comics, the sponsor was listed on the cover. Since you couldn't physically stop by Cartoon Network to pick one of these up and there isn't a barcode on the cover, it's a bit of a mystery as to how this book was obtained. (I found it in a grab bag a few months ago.) This comic contains three stories- all reprints from previous Cartoon Networked licensed comics published by DC Comics. So my guess is that you could get this book at your local comics shop either for free or with the purchase of another title.

   The first story starred the characters on the books cover- Cow & Chicken. It's reprinted from 'Cartoon Networks Presents #6,' an anthology showcase of other CN shows like Dexter's Laboratory, Johnny Bravo, and of course Cow & Chicken. In this adventure, Cow teaches her brother Chicken about recycling. The art looked like it was from the creator's of Ren & Stimpy. It's got some gross humor like on the classic 90s show as well. It's a good thing I'm a fan of Ren & Stimpy. But can somebody explain to me just how a cow and chicken are brother and sister?

   The next tale stars the Mystery Machine gang as they try to save Daphne from an obsessed fan. Added to the mix, this stalker originally was the suspect of one of the gang's earliest cases. So instead of blaming those meddling kids, this guy decided to create more monsters for the team to investigate so that he could get closer to the gang's fiery red head. An interesting story but it's a little creepy if you get to the bottom of it.

   The final yarn is set in the distant future. Here, Mr. Spacely tests out a robot George Jetson in hopes of replacing his human workforce. Things seem to go great when the unit is beta tested at the Jetson home. It makes poor George feel a little unwanted.  But at work, the robot goofs off more than the Jetson family patriarch saving George's place at Spacely Sprockets at least.

    Cartoon Network was a fun trip down memory lane. I didn't buy these when I was younger, but my sister, who was 12-years younger than I, did. I'd often read these to her or I'd find her old copies lying around and I'd read them if I was bored. These days, I might find an issue or two in a dollar bin and donate them to the reading program I started at my wife's work. But now that I remember the quality of these Cartoon Network comics, I'm going to make use I read them first before handing them off.

    Worth Consuming

   Rating: 9 out of 10 stars.

Star Wars: The Protocol Offensive

 This original Dark Horse Comics graphic novel from 1997 is co-written by the expert on protocol himself, C-3PO- Anthony Daniels. 'The Protocol Offensive' is a politically intriguing affair in which Threepio and his astromech partner R2-D2 must prevent two warring tribes from annihilating each other while negotiating a trade treaty with a mining company all at the same time.

 

 This story takes place in that strange period of time where the cartoon 'Droids' occurred (prior to Episode IV: A New Hope) when  both Threepio and Artoo were without masters. Like in that short-lived series, the droids undergo no less than 3 ownership changes. Only these point of sales take place the means of a 48-page story!

 

   I really enjoyed this story. The writing was really good and the dialogue perfect (and why wouldn't it be, it was written by Daniels who crafted the iconic character he's played for over 35-years now.) The art was also very good and I just loved the painted quality of it and the cover.

 

  Finishing this story, I did have one puzzling question: if Lucasfilm is to be believed, thanks to the new trilogy finally being made, any work made after Return of the Jedi was rendered no longer canon. Since the series 'Droids' as well as the 'Protocol Offensive' occurs before episode IV (but was published after Episode VI) is this story canon or not? Either way you want to answer this, and I challenge George Lucas to write an explanation in this review's comment section, this was a great story and a fun journey to a galaxy far, far away...

   Worth Consuming.

    Rating: 9 out of 10 stars.