Sharknado 5: Global Swarming

Storm Warning 

 The American phenomenon of a Sharknado goes global in the fifth installment of the SYFY channel film series. Ian Ziering and Tara Reid continue their roles as Finn and April Hudson. Meanwhile, actress Cassandra Scerbo returns as Nova after skipping out on the 4th Sharknado film.

   I for one also wish I could have skipped 2016's Sharknado 4: The 4th Awakens. Something was seriously off in that chapter. It was so bad that even David Hasselhoff and Gary Busey couldn’t save it. Thankfully, Sharknado 5: Global Swarming was a return to the schlocky film series designation as a genuine guilty pleasure.

    In the latest chapter, Finn and April and son Gil are called to jolly old Emgland. It’s the Hudson’s mission to advise the United Kingdom on how to defend from the shark-filled storms. At nearby Stonehenge, Nova with her global network of anti-shark 'sisters', has unearthed an ancient artifact.

   It is soon discovered that the artifact was used by the Druids to defeat an early outbreak of sharknadoes. However it’s misuse can also cause such storms to form. As a result,  little Gil is sucked into a portal within the nexus of massive storm about to decimate London.Throughout the rest of the film, Finn and April follow the massive storm cell as it destroys Rio, Sydney, and Tokyo in hopes of saving their son.

So Bad, it's Still Bad..

    Sharknado 5 was horrid fun. The movie is like a train and a plane crashed into each other and all the victims drowned. People shouldn’t enjoy something this awful. Yet, like a car accident on the side of the highway, you just can't look away from it no matter how hard you try.

    I think one of the reasons the Sharknado films have been so popular is that they don’t take themselves seriously. Tons of B and C list stars appear in the fifth installment. Most of the cameos are to the expense and mockery of those celebs. Some of the best appearances were Nichelle Nichols as a UN Ambassador and Geraldo Rivera as a blimp engineer who discovers that his vault is empty! Having 70s Spanish rock-star Charo appear as the Queen of England was not one of those great cameos. 

Deep down, I feel like the cast and crew wanted to go on an exotic vacation. So they tricked SYFY into financing this sequel. The premise of cyclones filled with only sharks is completely ridiculous. But now having the storms be able to transport you anywhere in the world is a bit much. Needless to say, if there’s a sixth film on the horizon for this series, I’m in! I just hope that the producers wrap things up soon before this series jumps the shark!

Rating: 4 out of 10 stars.

Worth Consuming but only for the cheese factor. 

Review originally posted August 7, 2017 on outrightgeekery.com.

Archie Vs. Sharknado #1

Just when you thought it was safe to walk on dry land!!!  Recently, the Archie gang has meet super group KISS, competed with the kids from Glee, fought zombies, and evaded Predators. Now, the Archies tackle the phenomenon known as Sharknado!

   When a massive Sharknado attacks Riverdale, Archie and Dilton and the rest of the gang must use brains and brawn to save their beloved town. Featuring all of your Archie Universe favorites including Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Moose, Josie and the Pussycats, and Mr. Weatherbee. No one is safe and by the end of this issue some fan favorites WILL be reduced to fish food.

Don't let the variant cover fool you- the classic style of Archie, Jughead, and Hot Dog abounds in this one-shot tie-in with the Syfy Channel franchise. That makes for one strange comic. Imagine the Riverdale students you remember, covered in blood, killing man-eating sharks, and being dismembered. (Note picture below.) This isn't the Archie Comics you grew up with and yet in a very morbid way this is the same Archie of your youth who can't decide between Veronica or Betty. And even more oddly, this works!

   

   Even though this is drawn in that all-ages family friend look by long-time Archie Comics artist Dan Parent- this is not a book for everyone. There's no sex or cursing, but younger readers might not be able to handle this level of shark induced carnage. Though I cannot find one for this book, it's got to be considered at least rating of Teen.

    Released just today, this book came out in time for tonight's Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! on Syfy. I think it's extremely clever. So brilliant, that I, a collector notorious for not buying books when new, had to rush out as soon as I was done with work and snag a copy. Sadly, I could only find the variant covers available at my local comics shop.

 (Side Note: regular cover A and variant C, which features the classic version of the Archie Gang was sold out at the comic book store I went to. In fact, I've been told that the classic-style covers are outselling the modern looks about 5-1! Proof that fans can handle more mature stories drawn in that iconic style that has thrived for over 40 years! Take that Mark Waid and Fiona Staples!)

Like a train wreck, you can't look away and there's a wickedly morbid fascination with tornadoes filled with sharks. Living in North Carolina, where there're been about a dozen shark attacks in the past month, I actually don't see this as taboo either. (#guiltypleasure) I can't believe I'm going to say this but in terms of Archie Vs. Sharknado, I'm hooked!

   Worth Consuming

   Rating: 10 out of 10 stars.

Sharknado and Sharknado 2: The Second One

Today I gave in to the cultural phenomenon that is SHARKNADO! Friends of ours who have really good taste in comics and sci-fi recommended it and my and I decided to give it a try.

Now I love B-movies: the schlockier, the better. One of my favorite shows of all-time is Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (MST3K). It was a show in which people in front of the screen mocked horrible movies, just like I would do with friends in college (I minored in Film Studies.) The whole “how unbelievable” routine was in full force between my wife and I with myself playing the ‘believer’ to her ‘skeptic.’

Now I normally don’t combine things into one review unless they’re packaged together in a bound volume or a set. But since the two films are pretty much interchangeable, I made an exception. I will have to say that the second film was better, probably because it didn’t take itself so seriously. The opening sequence is a parody of Airplane! And that William Shatner episode of Twilight Zone. Only instead of a monster on the wing, a giant water spout of sharks attacked a commercial airliner.

SyFy and probably the world, was shocked that Sharknado was such a big hit. I’m one of those people. Even more shocking was how many people tweeted how this was the best thing that ever happened to them (The version I watch of Sharknado 2 was a repeat from Saturday with tweets from viewers last week posted in the left hand corner.) Really, a B movie about a storm system full of sharks- the best thing that ever happened to you? I feel for our country.

The sequel also garnered a lot of stars making cameos. I was surprised how many A-listers were in this thing. The first film only had Robbie Rist guest starring in it. (Yes, the same Robbie Rist who destroyed the classic show that is the Brady Bunch as the toe-headed coke battle wearing cousin Oliver. I cheered wildly when his character ‘bit’ it!) S2: The Second One had Kelly Osbourne, Kelly Ripa, and Michael Strahan, actual meteorologists from the Weather Channel and Al Roker and Matt Lauer!

I actually lost a little respect for Roker and the Weather Channel. It’s not because they agreed to do this movie. I gave them a little bit of props for that. No, I’m ashamed of the ‘reporters’ for actually reporting these sharknado weather patterns as real. I know it’s a movie but in both Sharknados, the meteorologists classify these weather spouts as EF5 tornados. That wouldn’t happen in real like as the Enhanced Fujita scale determines the amount of damage left by a tornado. It would not be classified until after the storm subsided.

I’m not going to get into the whole global warming debate but shame on SyFy and Al Roker for trying to convince me that my use of automobiles and air conditioning is going to cause man-eating sharks to rain from the sky.

Both movies are corny with bad acting, dumb lines, and even dumber special effects. However, I found it an enjoyable way to spend a mindless Sunday with a wife whose under the weather. I was entertained but unlike when I watch an Academy Award winning film, I like these movies for their lousiness not their genius.

As with any cash cow, the powers that be are going to milk this thing. I expect a Sharknado 3 to finish out a trilogy. And with other cultural phenomenon’s I would bet money that movie 3 will be in 3-D and in theatres, if only for a brief weekend showing. Will I be in line for that? Probably not, but I won’t rule out another lazy Sunday in front of the tube with some maple bacon popcorn.

Worth Consuming because it’s so bad it’s good and it has that ‘train wreck’ effect to it.

Rating: 5 out of 10 stars- this isn’t Jaws folks.