Garbage Pail Kids Comic-Book Puke-Tacular

    Halloween, 1985. I had just returned from a night of trick-or-treating. I had a plethora of Tootsie Rolls, lollipops, and Reese's Cups. Not a bad haul. But at the bottom of my bucket was something different. It was enclosed in wax paper and produced by Topps. But these weren't baseball cards. No, this was something truly bizarre- they looked like Cabbage Patch Kids on the cards but they were kinda gross and really funny. They were Garbage Pail Kids. 
     Now we jump to October, 2016. I just got the latest Comic Bento box from the post office. This month's theme was 'As Seen On TV.' I was very interested to see what the folks at Comic Bento had for me in this month's mystery offering. 
    The first 3 books were based on shows that I was familiar with. But number 4 was kinda strange- it was a collection of Garbage Pail Kids comic books published by IDW Publishing. Apparently, a short-lived animated series that only aired in Canada counts as a 'As Seen On TV.' Well, Comic Bento is a Canadian based company...
    About the book- it reminded me of my childhood and I couldn't wait to read it. 
    Boy, did I wish I waited...
    The comics feature some of the most popular Garbage Pail Kids- Blasted Billy, Greaser Greg, and Nat Nerd and the ick factor is set to overload. But these comics are not for kids! 
     I remember there being potty humor, fart jokes, and boogers galore in the original trading cards that doubled as stickers. But there wasn't sex jokes, cursing, and more visual poop than all of the world's sewers combined. I'm hoping this was rated at least Teen cause this stuff wasn't for kids.
      I realize now that these comics, filled with short stories and single-page spreads, were mean to be read by grown-ups who remembered having these cards when they were little and wanted to revisit a childhood memory. But as with anyone who is approached by a rebooted franchise from their childhood, it's quite shocking when the material isn't so innocent anymore. 
     Unlike the elementary school I attended, which banned the Garbage Pail Kids eventually, I'm not calling for this book to be censored. It's just not for me anymore. Some stories actually made me nauseous. Some made me feel like a grown man that's just too old for this silliness. I muddled through and finished this book. But it's not going to be a permanent part of my collection. I'll take it to the used book store in hopes of getting some a little more sophisticated- like a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird or the Collected works of Plato. Who am I kidding? I'm probably gonna get a new Archie's Double Digest.

   Not Worth Consuming

   Rating: 2 out of 10 stars.