Bizarre Adventures #34

  

The cover says that this book isn't for kids and for 1983- they're right. 

   First of all- look at the cover- it's a skeleton Santa. Or maybe it's dad dressed as Santa coming to surprise his kiddies but he got stuck in the chimney and died. It looks kinda gruesome and kinda wicked awesome and man was I all over this!

   I didn't even know this book existed until probably 6 months ago and someone posted the cover on social media as a sort of Christmas in July motif. At that point, Bizarre Adventures #34 went on my wish list because A) It was a Christmas Themed book and B) it was a scary book or, at least, a weird one.

   So let us look at the stories contained inside:

• A homeless teen discovers that he's the Son of Santa and must take over the role when Jolly Ol' Saint Nick is brutally murdered by the Anti-Claus.
• Howard the Duck is shown by an angel that if he wasn't born his friends would've turned out a-okay!
• In an apocalyptic wasteland, a young renegade and his buxom sidekicks rescue a kidnapped tyke on Christmas Eve.
• When Santa accidently kills his father, a young boy murders the fat man's helpers one-by-one until he finally meets the real Father Christmas in his living room with a sackful of toys and one mean can of whoop ass.
• Santa's trip to the Big Apple doesn't go as planned when he's arrested for breaking and entering by New York's Finest.
• Finally, in a tribute to the classic EC Comics of the 1950s, a time traveller arrives in Victorian England in hopes of witnessing a more peaceful Christmas and gets stuck in the middle of some brutal class warfare between the Little Match Girl and her fat-cat employer.

    These Bizarre Adventures were completely off the wall and totally insane. Only the third and fourth story is really gory. But just about every tale has its fair share of sex, greed, and violence. In 1983, this book wouldn't have been deemed suitable for readers under the age of 16. Hence, the book is published without the Comics Code stamp on the cover. 

   For 2016, I would say parents of those under the age of 13 should be advised about this books contents. And for goodness sake, don't let them take this comic to school unless you'd enjoy seeing your child's place of higher learning on the 6 pm news for being under lockdown because some teacher took issue to the book's treatment of kids with weapons.

   Featuring art and stories by Al Milgrom, Denny O'Neil, Alan Kuppenburg, Mike Carlin, Larry Hama, and many more, this is a hard to find holiday themed Marvel comic. As the last book in the series, it's also the rarest. A little violent, a bit shocking as well. But it was a fun campy B-movie trek through the genres of horror, sci-fi, parody, and whatever the heck Howard the Duck is considered...

   Worth Consuming

   Rating: 8 out of 10 stars.