Trouble is My Business by Raymond Chandler

When I read Agatha Christie, I feel like I'm challenged to solve the mystery before her main characters do. When I read Doyle's Sherlock Holmes, I feel like I'm sitting in on a lecture about criminology; learning new and unusual facts. But when I read Raymond Chandler, I'm merely along for the ride. 

Chandler's Philip Marlowe stories are fast paced, wordy whodunits filled with slimy thugs, morally questionable cops and dangerous dames. Private Detective Marlowe doesn't always seek the justice. He's like a 1930s Robin Hood who tries to solve the crime while making sure that the player treated the least fairly is given a fighting chance to better themselves. Marlowe is the lone narrator of his adventures. I just wish I knew what the hell he was talking about sometimes.

Written in a different time where California was still more Wild West than the home of Tinsel Town, nobody can or should be trusted in a Raymond Chandler work. It could be argued that you shouldn't even trust Philip as he'll turn against a paying client if he determines that they're in the wrong; even if every rule in the law book is squarely on their side. But as Marlowe runs the reader through each story, both the private eye and the characters he encounters use verbiage that is so antiquated that the last time they were used in public was during the filming of a Philip Marlowe mystery!

Dictionaries and Google are definitely needed to understand what's being said. 

There are 4 short stories in this collection. Now before some of you Raymond Chandler experts out there berate me on what I just said. Yes, I know, Trouble is my Business contained 5 novellas when the collected edition was first published by Penguin in 1950. I have no idea why 'Guns at Cyrano's' is no longer included in this 1992 edition from Vintage Crime/Black Lizard. Here, you only get the title story along with 'Goldfish', 'Finger Man' and 'Red Wind'. 

'Trouble is my Business' sees Philip being hired out to by a wealthy widower to hopefully persuade a gold digger to unleash her grasp from the millionaire's adopted son. Marlowe then gets a lesson in ichthyology when he goes to the Great White North in search of some stolen pearls. Jewelry is once again the subject, this time as an object of blackmail, when Marlowe witnesses the murder of a man in a speakeasy in 'Red Wind'. Then in a story that has to have influenced Roman Polanski's Chinatown, Philip is given the choice to take the fall as the 'Finger Man' or let an innocent woman take the rap for the murder of a two-bit hustler in a mystery that revolves around a crooked politician who controls all of the gambling dens in Los Angeles.

All 4 stories were fun reads. 'Goldfish' was perhaps my favorite because of the fish out of water quality to it with Marlowe being in the Vancouver area instead of sunny California. I also really liked 'Red Wind'. While each story had a sultry femme fatale as a character, 'Red Wind' was the only story where I felt that Marlowe was going to get burned by getting too close to the flames of passion. Also, it's the only tale where Marlowe never enters his detective agency office. It's dive bar, apartment, out in the field; solving a case he never even agreed to a fee to in a single night.

Don't neglect to read the opening article written by Raymond Chandler himself. It's a well known essay in which the author admits his works are far from literature. But that doesn't in any way detract from the artistic quality of his writings. Ironically, among fans of mystery noir and the pursuit of the great American novel, the case files of Philip Marlowe, P.I. are among the pinnacles of mid-20th century lit. 

A must read for murder mystery enthusiasts. 

Worth Consuming!

Rating: 8 out of 10 stars.

Should Eldritch Horrors Be Forgot (Santa Saves Christmas, Book II) by Ben Wolf

The Santa Saves Christmas trilogy ends with the inclusion of Atlanteans and characters from the mind of H.P. Lovecraft. 

Thanks to the many time portals and fractures left open during Santa's battle with Father Time, ancient Atlanteans are coming through a wormhole in the Caribbean wing of the Atlantic. Along with their arrival, the ruins of Atlantis are rising to the surface, causing catastrophic flooding around the globe. Called in by the United Nations to assist in negotiations with the king of Atlantis, Santa Claus and old friend Vladimir Putin seek to find a peaceful way for all races to coexist without sending a large chunk of dry land into the bring deep. 

However, all chances for peace are off the table when a new object begins to emerge off the coast of Australia: the evil elder God, Cthulhu! As nothing in the present day is able to defeat the Eldritch horror, Father Time's predecessor, the Time Raptor travels through time and the multiverse to assemble a ragtag team of warriors, assassins and a dragon or two to defeat the ancient evil once and forever!

Yes, the mystery character that I've been trying to not spoil in my previous two reviews of Ben Wolf's Santa Saves Christmas series is Russian president, Vladimir Putin. Since all 3 books were written before Putin began his lengthy and seemingly endless assault on Ukraine, he's sort of like an anti-hero. He's bad and has done evil things, but he's also willing to save not only Christmas, but his beloved Russia from countless crises. Plus it helps to have the leader of the largest country in the world in order to gain unprecedented access to top secret technology or to get your foot in the door of the UN Building.

Should Eldritch Horrors Be Forgot was my least favorite of the trilogy. I still liked it. It just that it really felt like Ben Wolf was being really self-indulgent here. They're be these scenes where a character, very tongue in cheek would reply 'Who writes this stuff?' Once was clever. Twice was an inside joke. But at a pace of about once every 3 chapters felt really out of place; especially since neither previous book did this.

Something Ben Wolf adds at the end of each book is a 'shameless plug' in which Santa and other characters rave about the author's other works. At about page 200, one of the new characters brought over by the Time Raptor, was using a weapon that sounded really familiar. Yet, it's not something from What The Frost? or It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Raptors. So I grabbed my copy of this book and headed into our office and consulted Amazon. Sure enough, all of these new characters are from other books written by Wolf. Thus, the author wasn't just being immoderate. He was also giving readers a clue about how his other works tie-in.

I'm not sure if some of Ben Wolf's other books are my cup of tea. Many are more fantasy heavy for my taste. However, his standalone Western, Unlucky, about the gunslinger Dalton has peaked my interest. 

Also, thanks to my Amazon research, I discovered that there's a new book in the Santa Saves Christmas series. It's digital only. However, it promises to address the elephant in the room with the presence of Putin in these books. Especially as Russia's current political situations has made their president's role in these books a little more troubling. hey, I've got something to look forward to next Christmas reading season!

Lastly, I got to talk about my favorite character in the series, the cowardly but entrepreneurial Snoot. I almost replaced him as my favorite character with Putin of all people because he got ultra slimy. (Also, if an author can make a sadistic tyrant likable, he must be a good writer.) Snoot now has a girlfriend in the Uber rich business woman Gen. They're obviously having a physical relationship. But Snoot kept making everything with her about sex, even when she's trying to help save the world. It got as annoying as Wolf's love of having every character respond to Snoot's comments with eye rolls. Folks can show disgust in other physical ways.

Thankfully, Gen puts Snoot in his place before the book's end. Hopefully, we'll see a little more character growth in the online book and hopefully further adventures of Santa saving the world. Just take it down a notch with the repetition. I would hate for a great thing to become stale.

Worth Consuming!

Rating: 7 out of 10 stars.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Raptors (Santa Saves Christmas, Book II) by Ben Wolf

Book 2 of Ben Wolf's 'Santa Saves Christmas' trilogy starts off almost immediately after the events What The Frost? It's Christmas Day. Dinosaurs are running amok in Moscow and Santa Claus might have something to do with that. As he arrives in Russia with his trusty triple barreled shotgun, a whip made of a strand of holiday lights and his genius tech-savvy elf Snoot, Santa comes face-to-face with a new terror: a talking Utahraptor with the ability to bend time called the Time Raptor. 

Feeling strongly that dinosaurs deserve another chance as the dominant species on Earth, the Time Raptor has opened a series of quantum portals back to prehistoric times, herding dinosaurs of all shapes, sizes and levels of death and destruction to make sure that this is mankind's last Christmas ever!

All of the main characters from the last book are back. Mrs. Claus and several of the elves have bigger roles this time around. And it doesn't read like book 2 is a rehash of the first volume. But it sure started that way. 

While dinosaurs are not the main antagonists of the first book, they do play a big roll in the third act. Having Santa Claus and his allies battle the thunder lizards again felt stale. I would have liked the opening 30-40 pages of this book a whole lot better if we hadn't already had dinosaurs already. The Time Raptor was an interesting twist. However, there's a scene where the new villain goes to Jamaica in order to feed and what the Time Raptor does or more specifically doesn't do, pretty much told how the book was going to end.

What really saves this book is the banter. Snoot is hilarious. Santa's unlikely ally in the battle against the dinosaurs is a great character as well. But I don't want to spoil who that character is. New developments in Santa's time piece which allows him to slow down time in order to make all his deliveries in a single night where pretty cool and we've yet to see everything that specialized stopwatch can do.

I liked what I read enough, despite the slight repetitive nature of the presence of ancient reptiles (or birds, depending your school of thought), to order the third and final book before I finished this one. I had about 120 pages to go and I didn't want to waste a day or two waiting to know what happens next. Though at the time of this review, I've not read as much of that last book as I'd like as holiday happenings and a couple of unexpected events have eaten into my reading time the past couple of days. But at least I've not been left in the cold unable to see what comes afterwards. I'm just going at a much slower pace than I want right now.

Another fun book filled with holiday laughs and Jurassic Park level gore.

Worth Consuming!

Rating: 7 out of 10 stars.

The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus by L. Frank Baum

A while back my wife and I partook in a novel Advent activity. We took turns reading The Autobiography of Santa Claus by Jeff Guinn. It told of a number of historical characters that helped give rise to the modern day legend of Santa Claus. I understood the relevance of Clement Moore, the author of the epic poem A Visit From Saint Nick. I even understood why President Teddy Roosevelt was included what with his influence on the popularity of the Teddy Bear and the story of how one of his sons wanted a live Christmas tree but Roosevelt being a stanch conservationist was against it. Those figures were ones I understood why they were considered great allies of Kris Kringle. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out the addition of L. Frank Baum.

Baum is most famously known for writing The Wizard of Oz and its subsequent sequels. I had known from a hard cover graphic novel I found at a local thrift store that Baum had penned a short story farce called A Kidnapped Santa Claus. But surely this wasn't enough of an influence on Father Christmas to warrant him inclusion into Santa's life story. 

It's actually this short novel, published in 1902 that made L. Frank Baum one of the utmost contributors to the modern Santa Claus. It tells of how a neglected little babe is found by faeries, raised to respect the magical creatures of nature and makes it his life goal to gift all the children of the world with gifts every Christmas Eve. 

In this story, there's no living at the North Pole. The names of his reindeer are vastly different from Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and the rest. Heck, Santa isn't really even a jolly old fat man. Though he does eventually grow a beard.

Clement Moore's 1809 poem which is now colloquially known as 'T'was the Night Before Christmas', did introduce St. Nick to the United States. But other than that poem, little was really known about the Yule time gift giver in America. Baum noticed this and sought to create an origin story that took away any religious references and replaced it with a more pagan beginning with the baby being blessed throughout his life by mystical woodland beings. 

The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus does take a lot of elements from Clement Moore and gives a backstory to them, which humanizes the character instead of canonizing Claus. Take the origin of the stockings. According to the Catholic Church, the real life influence of Santa was one who placed a dowry into the leggings of a trio of young poor girls, that were drying by a fire. In Baum's story, the accidental placement of some gifts into some wet socks ends up becoming a real time saver for Claus, who has only 24 hours to deliver toys around the world annually. Things like how parents use Santa as a threat to keep naughty children in line, how he becomes deemed a saint, and his relationship with Christmas time are all out of necessity or word of mouth. Anything remotely religious is not tied in with the 'true' story of Claus.

Maybe that lack of Christianity is why Signet books chose storyteller Max Apple to write an afterword about this book. Apple is Jewish and admits that as a child he hated Santa because Christmas being a gentile holiday makes the character unapproachable for him and other children of the Tribe. Max Apple writes that if he knew that Baum's Santa was created as being the most furthest religious character imaginable, other than Wiccan or pagan, the writer would have delighted in annual visits from Santa Claus as a lad.

It was an enjoyable read. Definitely a different sort of holiday character from what Coca-Cola and Rankin/Bass have created over the past 100 years. Speaking of Rankin/Bass, this story was made into that stop-motion production company's last original work in the mid-80s. No wonder some segments of this book seemed familiar to me despite having never read the book. And if the chapter in which Santa is kidnapped by evil creatures who hate children seems familiar, that's because Baum recycled that story into A Kidnapped Santa Claus, which is a far more bleaker romp that this book.

A short enough read that families could break this down into chunks over the course of a frosty December. Some of the language is a tad outdated. But it's something the whole family can enjoy just once or as a new holiday annual tradition.

Worth Consuming!

Rating: 8 out of 10 stars.

Full Throttle: Stories by Joe Hill

I've been in the mood to read Joe Hill lately. 

This 2019 collection of Joe Hill stories is a baker's dozen of short stories that have seen print previously in anthologies or magazine form. The two stories that Hill co-wrote with his famous father, Stephen King were my least favorite as they lacked the voice of the younger author which I have become a fan of over the past decade. But overall, this was a great read filled with excitement and a whole lot of chills for someone who is interested in reading Halloween themed stuff but couldn't yet because it wasn't October yet. 

My favorite stories were the tragic 'By the Silver Water of Lake Champlain', which later became the focus of an episode of the Creepshow series on Shudder, 'Dark Carousel' with it's perfectly eerie ending set across the pond, and 'Mums' which may or may not be about a young boy who grows a menacing plant-like version of his late mother. My absolute favorite was 'Late Returns', which along with 'Mums', was published for the first time ever in this book. It's about a young man who takes a part-time job driving his hometown's bookmobile and discovers that he can recommend great final reads to dearly departed members of the local library. I so very much did not want this story to end and I would love for it to be a movie or even a mini-series.

Another story that I would like seen put on film is 'You Are Released'. It's about the early hours of a nuclear holocaust as experienced by the passengers on a jumbo jet. Although I really want this story to be longer as well, with everything that has been happening in Israel in the past week, I think I could wait for the movie as I get this eerie feeling that right now, life is imitating art. 

Don't skip out on Hill's foreword nor his afterword. Both are amazing non-fiction reads. The foreword talks about how having 2 famous writers for parents influenced him to become a writer. There's also a great story about Hill when he was a little fella starring in the framing sequences of the original Creepshow movie. Hill's afterword discusses where you might have come across many of the stories collected in this book, along with sources of inspiration for those tales. Hill claims he's not a story teller but I would love to read a collection of his thoughts. He's that good a writer!

I think I am done with Joe Hill novels for a little bit. Not because I'm tired of him. Nor is it because I'm scared crapless; though Joe Hill is the only author that can write about non-demonic things and scare me cleaner than Ex-lax. It's just that as we are now in October, I am burning through a bunch of those Halloween reads that I've been saving up to read. Thanksgiving and Christmas are up next and I really want to dip into those reads too. Maybe when it's time to spend the holidays in St. Louis this Christmas, I'll bring another Joe Hill work that I haven't read yet with me. Hopefully, the author will have something new on the horizon as I am running out of things of his that I haven't read yet.

Worth Consuming!

Rating: 8 out of 10 stars.

Strange Weather: Four Short Novels by Joe Hill

I wish I knew how to properly explain Joe Hill's effect on me. He's such a great writer and yet, almost everything he writes either unnerves me or scares the crap out of me. No matter how much he gets into my head and keeps me awake at night, I just want to read more of his stuff. He's like a scab that you're not supposed to pick, lest it get infected. Yet, it feels so good.

The latest work of his I read is this collection of 4 short novels. From 2017, this tome came out immediately after The Fireman and was next on my list of his stuff to read, when I took a sharp detour into the NOS4A2 realm of his. That book took me a very, very, VERY long time to read considering how scary it was. But once I completed it, I then went into some of his Hill House comics before I finally got around to this anthology. 

The overall connection to this book is the weather; though it's not exactly the main subject of the story. The first two stories have the meat of the action of the book happen during a massive thunderstorm and a firestorm brought about by wild fires. The later half of the books do have to do with unusual occurrences with weather.

The first is about a teenage boy whose former babysitter is in the early stages of dementia. Only the elderly woman claims that her memories are being removed by a strangely dressed man with a Polaroid camera. The kid kinda shrugs off her claims as that of a lady sadly losing her mind to a medical monster. That is until during a routine trip to his favorite convenience store, he runs into a smarmy dude in a cowboy hat carrying a strange camera with him and driving a car full of photos starring the lad's old nanny! Don't let him take your 'Snapshot'!

'Loaded' involves a mall security guard who seemingly stops a mass shooting. At first, this man is considered the hero of the media and the local police. But when an investigative journalist starts digging into his past, the guard's account of the crime begins to unravel.

'Aloft' sees a young man about to go on his first ever skydive. Scared out of his wits, when he finally exits the plane, he experiences firm ground! That's because the cloud that he was expecting to fall through is completely solid and seems to conform to his every needs and thoughts. As he explores this atmospheric mystery, he'll also confront his past as well as the forbidden love affair that has been holding him back in life. 

Lastly, if you thought the weather of Summer, 2023 was bad, you haven't experienced 'Rain.' In this story, the Denver metro area experiences a downpour of sharp metallic nails! Walk with one woman as she tries to alert her in-laws of the death of their daughter and systematically witnesses the downfall of civilization. This story will make you question the next storm cloud you encounter!

My favorite of the 4 stories was 'Aloft'. It was so ethereal, having such a differing pace from the other stories. 'Rain' was good and if you recall that Image Comics had released a 2022 5-issue miniseries with the same name, then give yourself a cookie. That's the comic book adaptation of this final mini novel. I just wanted more out of this story and I felt that the ending was too abrupt. I'm also wondering if 'Aloft' and 'Rain' occur in the same universal as when the main character stuck on that weird cloud takes a bite out of it, he claims that the material seems like needles in his gut. 

 'Snapshot' was also very good, though I felt like the last chapter should have zigged when it instead zagged. If the closing events of the future had gone full circle with the action set in the 1980s, I think it would have been my favorite story.

The best story was 'Loaded.' Mind you, I didn't say that it was my favorite. The controversial topic of gun control and American's gun culture obsession, mixed in with dashes of race, how poorly we treat over vets, especially with their mental health, and police violence makes this book very hard for many to read. The amount of violence that occurs in this story was what did it for me. Oh, how I hated... I dreaded that ending! (Note to anyone reading this review with the power to do so, if 'Loaded' ever becomes a movie, the main character MUST be played by GOTG's Chris Pratt!)

"Loaded', in my mind, is Joe Hill's version of Stephen King's Rage, which was written under the pseudonym of Richard Bachman. I'm not trying to compare Joe Hill to his dad. I say that this 'Loaded' is like Rage because I truly feel that if Strange Weather was ever to be re-released, there is a very good chance it won't be included in the reissue. After Columbine, Stephen King took Rage, about a troubled teen who shoots up his homeroom class, out of The Bachman Books anthology. I just think if we get an episode like what happened in 'Loaded' to occur for real, it might hit too close to home for some and we'll see that book get shelved.

Every novel in this collection ended a bit too soon for me. It left me wanting so much more. Hopefully with 'Rain', Image might make a sequel. I really think 'Loaded' might one day be a movie, if not a streaming series. 'Snapshot' had potential for one of those great 'the villains isn't dead' moments (and to be fair, I never said the antagonist died). As for 'Aloft', I liked the ending. However, it had an ending a lot like Tom Hanks' Cast Away where it's left up to the reader to finish the story and I'm not so fond of those ambiguous endings.

On to the next Joe Hill work to scare my pants off...

Worth Consuming!

Rating: 8 out of 10 stars.

Pyramids by Terry Pratchett

After spending several years in Ankh-Morpork training to become an assassin, Teppic is summoned back to his homeland of Djelibeybi. His father, the Pharaoh, has died. It's now time for Teppic to become the king. Having become enamored with Ankh-Morpork's 'modern' amenities, such as indoor plumbing, Teppic has big plans for his kingdom. But he runs afoul of Dios, the chief high priest who insists on following 7,000 years of tradition. 

Meanwhile, the kingdom is preparing for the burial of Teppic's father. There's the embalmers. The miniature makers. And then there's the architects tasked with building the largest, most modern pyramid ever constructed in the land. It threatens to bankrupt an already cash-strapped kingdom. But with anything so massive and magical, this great pyramid Djelibeybi's very plane of existence!

I had mixed feelings about this volume of the Discworld series. I normally prefer the Ankh-Morpork stories the best. But the segments that take place in the 'big city' were my least favorite. Maybe I'm just not a fan of the Assassin's Guild. 

When Teppic gets to Djelibeybi, about 80 pages in, the story gets really good. Pyramids is a fantastic parody of Ancient history and lore. I enjoyed the satire on polytheistic religion and warfare. But when the story starts to delve into physics and math, I kinda glazed over. I understand not enjoying the parts about math. But I usually am in love with physics. I guess I just can't understand magical physics very well. 

Some segments of this book seemed really familiar. Have I read this one before? If so, it was before I started tracking books on this blog. I for one am not big on re-reading books as there are so many volumes to enjoy and so little time. But if I had read this one prior, I didn't really mind a repeat.

A funny book that gets quite technical at times. Times that for the most part, felt unnecessary.

Worth Consuming!

Rating: 7 out of 10 stars.

Warlock Holmes: The Hell-hound of the Baskervilles

Holmes and Watson. It is a pair of names that has been synonymous with crime and mystery for over 100 years. But what if Holmes wasn’t a master detective? Instead, Holmes is a wizard – and he’s not a very good one at that! What if Dr. John Watson was the brains of the operation and it is his skills of deduction that brought London’s criminal element to justice?

He’s Getting Better

Warlock Holmes and the Hell-hound of the Baskervilles is the second book in the Warlock Holmes series of novels. Written by comedian G.S. Denning, the Warlock Holmes books are a mash-up of mystery, spoof, and parody. The first book, A Study in Brimstone, was laugh-out loud funny. Being Denning’s first work, it was a little unpolished at times. So, does the sequel surpass the first book or do the adventures of  Warlock and Watson hit the sophomore slump?

Hell-Hound of the Baskervilles takes place 6 months after the events of A Study in Brimstone. Warlock Holmes, for better part of words, has been rendered incapacitated by Dr. Watson after Professor Moriarty possessed the body of so-called master detective. (But he’s getting better!)

When a potential client arrives at 221B Baker Street, it’s up to Watson to take up the case of recovering a missing artifact. Since Watson is really the genius behind Holmes’ reputation, this mystery should be easy as pie. As the case deepens, Watson learns that the item he’s tasked to find can restore people to a less horizontal position. Adding to the suspense Dr. Watson must beat agents of Moriarty to it first. Should he fail, let’s just say this might be a one-man show from now on.

From the Journals of Martin Freeman

Book two is filled with several short stories based on some very popular cases of Holmes and Watson. A couple of them may be little more obscure to the average fan of Sherlock. There’s a definite nod to Holmes creator Sir Arthur Conan Doyle in every adventure with a touch of Terry Pratchett thrown in for good measure. Yet, no matter how I read these tales, I can’t help but hear Martin Freeman narrating Dr. Watson’s recounts of Victorian Era crime. (That also means I picture Benedict Cumberbatch as Warlock. Only he’s a complete buffoon instead of an arrogant ass.)

Madcap on the Moors

The title story is based on perhaps the most well-known Sherlock Holmes adventure of all: The Hound of the Baskervilles. It provides a top-notch spin on the hellish canine that haunts the British countryside. This episode also discloses the origin of Warlock Holmes, which I didn’t think was such a great idea.

The parody of Warlock Holmes works in that the so-called master detective couldn’t find his way out of bed without the help of Watson. He can perform magic but only because he doesn’t really know what he’s doing. Yet this origin almost makes Warlock kind of brilliant in an accidental sort of way. When the story returns to the present, Holmes is stupid again. So either writer G.S. Denning made a continuity error or there’s more to the legend of Warlock Holmes than meets the eye. I’m really hoping it is the latter.

In many ways, Hell-hound is superior to it’s predecessor. The second book was a lot less goofy than A Study in Brimstone; except for the tricycle race to the death in story four. (But, that was an okay escape into the absurd.) Book Two reads much better and I cannot wait until May, 2018 when book 3 is published. Only then shall I feel confident to decide if the revelation of Warlock’s early days was a mystery best left unsolved or not.

Worth Consuming.

Rating: 8 out of 10 stars.

Review originally published June 13, 2017 on outrightgeekery.com

The Fireman by Joe Hill

   A mystery virus is causing people to mysteriously burst into flames. Coated with tell-tale shimmering patterns of black and gold on their skin called Dragonscale, the afflicted have normally been quarantined. But with governments in shambles, cities burning out of control, and resources getting scarcer by the day, it's now  standing order to shoot on sight those suffering from the Dragonscale.
    Harper, a young nurse obsessed with Mary Poppins, makes a pact with her controlling husband that should they develop the Dragonscale, they'll consume some Ambien and wine and drift off into a permanent sleep. It seems that they're well on their way to that plan when Harper begins to show signs of the virus after the hospital she works at burns to the ground. But when Harper finds that she is now pregnant, the nurse is more determined that ever to survive. Harper's Dragonscale seems to have an turned her husband into a hypochondriac, whose convinced that he is slowly burning alive. Yet, the hubby isn't showing any signs on the Dragonscale on his body, but he's slowly loosing his grasp on reality.  
     In a drunken rage, Harper's husband comes home with a gun, blaming her for his impending doom. Harper's husband chases her off into the woods and when she breaks her ankle, it looks like her spouse will finally implement his murder-suicide plan. Thankfully, Harper is intercepted by a fireman offering to take her somewhere safe.
     The Fireman in question is one part man/ one part urban legend. He's seen trolling the fiery ruins of Harper's community seeking out victims. But he also has the Dragonscale and has been seen bursting in flames. Only, this inflicted patient of the 'Scale' also seems to be able to control the flames that lick his body, nor does he seem to be burned by them. Is the Fireman Harper's savior or is he a monster in disguise responsible for sending her to the nurse ultimate demise?
     
    I first became aware of Joe Hill from his epic Locke & Key horror series published by IDW Publishing. That very graphic comic series made me a fan. When I found out a couple of months ago about the release date of this book,  it immediately went on my wish list.
    At just about 750 pages, this is a huge book. But I devoured the first half of the apocalyptic horror novel in less than 72-hours and consumed the entire novel in 9 days flat. I think I eased up just a bit over past couple of days cause I didn't want this book to end. 
    Joe Hill's parents are the writers extraordinaires Stephen and Tabitha King. I've never read any of her works, but I can tell that the writings of the Master of Modern Horror had a large influence on his son.  But that's not to say that Joe Hill is not a genius in his own write. He's a gifted storyteller and this satire on the human spirit is a fantastic read. This book shows both the very best and very worst of humanity when faced with a disaster and it pulls no punches.
    There's more than enough swears to make Quentin Tarantino blush. The violence at times is unsettling and there were on more than one occasion where a beloved character bites the dust. (Maybe George RR Martin was Joe Hill's grandpa???) But this book was a page-turner that I often couldn't put down.
    One part Sci-fi, one part horror, one part doomsday thriller, the Fireman is not to be missed. Make this the summer read you've been looking for.
    
   Worth Consuming
  
    Rating: 9 out of 10 stars. 

Go Set A Watchman by Harper Lee

 

  The literary event of 2015 asks the question, 'When is a sequel not a sequel?' Though Go Set A Watchman follows up with Scout, Atticus, Jem, Calpurnia, and many more characters from Lee's 1960 masterpiece To Kill A Mockingbird it is not a sequel to the award winning classic. Instead, this book was actually the first draft for Mockingbird.

    Harper Lee finished the manuscript for this book in 1957. Her publisher liked this book but felt that it lacked a concrete plot. Also, editor Tay Hohoff felt that the flashback parts of when Scout, Jem, and Dill were kids were the best parts of the book and encouraged Lee to start over with that time period. 

I'm so glad Harper Lee listened to Hohoff.

    See, Mockingbird is my favorite book of all-time and though I read more comic books than fiction these days, I was counting down the days until this book dropped on July 14th. I'm such a fan of TKAM that I've read the book like 7 times (and it's the only novel I've read more than once, except for school assignments.) I'm such a fan of TKAM, I pre-ordered this book on Amazon. I'm such a fan of TKAM, I even paid a little extra on shipping so that the book was delivered to my door on the day the book came out. 

    Go Set A Watchman is a book fraught with controversy. First many question as to whether this book was actually written by Harper Lee. Some point to her deteriorated state. Born in 1926, the 89-year old Pulitzer Prize winner is now deaf and blind and some critics feel that her guardians pushed for this book's release in order to exploit and extort from the beloved civil rights figure. 

   Another source of controversy is how much Atticus Finch changed from being a champion of the lower class and  people of color during the Depression to a dyed in the wool bigot at the height of the 1950s civil rights movement, particularly eyeing the NAACP as a threat to the way of life of Southern Whites. Such a change left not only only daughter Scout Finch disillusioned but many readers as well. 

    I for one overlook this change in the Finch family patriarch. For one thing as I mentioned earlier, this book was a rough draft. Reports say that Lee put this book in a safe deposit box sometime between 1957 and 1960 and then forgot about it until her lawyers and accountants discovered it in 2014. In her elderly state, I doubt she made any changes to the original manuscript and it was published as-is.

   Another factor that may prove my theory right is Scout's recollection of Atticus' defense of a one-armed black man when she was a little girl. In this book, Tom Robinson was acquitted! Yet in Mockingbird, poor Tom was found guilty despite Atticus proving that Bob Ewell severely beat his daughter Mayella! 

    With inconsistencies between the two novels, readers of this book will need to take it with a grain of salt. Don't read this book as a sequel as much as a return to some of the most beloved characters in 20th Century American literature. The scenes of Scout, Jem, and Dill are the best parts of this book (especially when the trio play Revival.) 

   The rest of the book was quite interesting with Scout returning to her hometown of Maycomb in her 20s from living in the Big Apple for several years (though for the life of me, I have no idea what Jean Louise did for a living as it's not even mentioned.) However, Scout roams around the small town having debates about love, life, and equality while having those childhood flashbacks of her's with any and everyone she meets. Like the main character, this book lacks direction and jumps from place to place as well as points in time from Scout's childhood to becoming a young woman to her previous return visits from up North. 

   Even though this book is like a compass without a needle, Go Set A Watchman is going to become a classic if only for the fact that it's a lost work of the elusive Harper Lee who only wrote one other published book. Watchman is like when JRR Tolkien's son posthumously published scores of the Middle Earth creator's notes and unfinished pieces on the Lord of the Rings trilogy- it gives glimpses of already established and much loved characters but it doesn't change the main body of work published by the author who I might add is a talented storyteller. 

   Since this isn't an official sequel to To Kill A Mockingbird you the reader have every right to accept the parts you enjoyed as canon and reject those you hated. So if you dislike that Atticus Finch becomes more like Archie Bunker when the NAACP comes to town, then you can just say 'That's not how that happened.' You won't be right or wrong. You'll be an observer from afar, watching life in the 1950s Solid South. You may be offended. You may be vindicated. But no matter what view you take, at least you'll be a little entertained when you do.

   Worth Consuming

   Rating: 9 out of 10 stars.

We Are Pirates by Daniel Handler

I read another traditional book- in less than a month. And it was a novel to boot! What am I, sick or something?
   
   In We Are Pirates, a young girl named Gwen is going through the growing pains of becoming a young woman. Feeling unwanted and bored, she goes on a shoplifting spree. Caught by security, Gwen is forced by her parents to volunteer at a retirement home as punishment. Assigned to a patient who was a former Navy man and amateur nautical historian, Gwen becomes enamored with the idea of becoming a pirate. With elderly Errol, his nurse Manny, Gwen's new best friend Amber, and an accidently shanghaied boy named Cody, Gwen leads the team to steal a fake pirate ship and lay scourge to San Francisco Bay.

  In We Are Pirates, Phil Needle is under the gun to finish production on a new radio program about American outlaws. Without a title and an assistant, Phil Needle makes some rash decisions in order to complete his first episode in time for a broadcasting convention. This leads Phil Needle to hire a young girl named Alma as his new secretary, but his choice may lead him down a path that could ruin his career, marriage, and relationship with his wayward daughter Gwen.

    Now, I didn't suffer a wrinkle in time or anything like that. We Are Pirates is basically two stories in one, with seemingly mundane events in one plot making lasting impacts on the other. But that doesn't make for easy reading.

   We Are Pirates was written by the crafty mind behind Lemony Snicket. But he doesn't just write prose for kids. Wen writing under his real name of Daniel Handler, the author also writes adult novels. I stress the word 'ADULT' here. This book has sex, graphic murder, sex, language, angst... did I mention the sex? So don't go buying this book for your children under the assumption that this is an innocent as one of Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events (which I did!) This book has adult themes, adult ideas, and some very frank talk about sex acts.

  Another problem I had with this book is that Daniel Handler does not seem to know how to transition from the past to the present. He'll mention a memory of either Gwen's or Phil Needle's, then get back to the present and then out of the blue, we're back in the past without any sort of warning from the writer. Handler's paragraphs seem to go on forever whereas grammar classes teach us that a well-structured paragraph should be around 3-5 sentences each.

(By the way- if every time you read the words 'We Are Pirates' you then hear the 'bum-bum-bumpbump, bada-bum-bum-bumbum-bump' from those Farmer's Insurance commercials well you're not alone.")

   Also, in terms of timing, each chapter is split into two parts. One-half of each chapter will revolve around Phil Needle with the other starring Gwen. However, Phil Needle's part might take place a week before Independence Day while Gwen's segment occurs during the last week of May. Yet for some reason except for the first and last chapter, the author doesn't tell the reader when said events occur in the timeline. Even worse the story jumps around in each chapter and doesn't follow a linear sequence of events meaning Gwen's actions in chapter 3 may take place a month before what she did in chapter 2. (Again without any acknowledgement that the story jumped back in time.)

   I would rate this book very low if it wasn't for the crafty way Handler ties everything in by the final page. It's quite clever on the level of 'Reservoir Dogs' or 'The Usual Suspects.' But I don't want to give away too much in order to ruin the twists and turns that evolve in this novel.

   So does that mean what you think I'm thinking...

 That's right, I'm recommending this book and I also consider it Worth Consuming. Just trust me when I say you need to push through as some segments won't make any sense until the very end. Believe me, it's worth the wait and the read.

   Worth Consuming

  Rating: 8 out of 10 stars.

(Oh, any to answer the question: NO, I'm not sick. I've just been in the mood to tackle some non-comic book summer reads. As the great Phil Needle says 'It'll pass. It's just a phase."

 

 

Fuds: A Complete Encyclofoodia from Tickling Shrimp to Not Dying in a Restaurant by the Mizretti Brothers

   Imagine a restaurant so awful, so insane, and possibly a little on the dangerous side and you've got Fuds: a trendy restaurant in Brooklyn that has taken the hipster foodie crowd by storm. With it's famous offerings of 'Dead Dog co-plated with Yam Clippings and a Leafy Lage Dumping' and ' Roundeye Flank Stringers with a Yankee-Poisoned Marinara and Fuzzy Rice Curds' this is any culinary instructors worst nightmare.

   Thankfully, Fuds is the brainchild of Kelly Hudson, Dan Klein, and Arthur Meyer (the later two are currently Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon writers.) Originally started as a gag menu for a made up restaurant, Fuds really did take the Brooklyn scene and spin it on its ear. Going viral in 2012, people actually thought Fuds was real and tried to visit it to try these oddities while some tried to get the Health Department to close it down.

   Building from the success of the joke, Hudson, Klein, and Meyer created this book as a tutorial from the fictious restaurant's owners the Mizretti Brothers. Along with some of their most famous recipes, the Brothers included helpful tips on how to audition a new garbage man, knife safety (or lack thereof), how to save someone from choking (so they can pay for their meal) and explore the history of Fud. 

   This book was very funny and as a professional chef, I loved how it didn't take itself serious at all. I've seen so many jokers act like their going to be the next Charlie Trotter and end up figuring out that being in the restaurant business is really hard work and they drop out. So, it was funny to see a couple of goofballs half-ass it in the culinary industry for a change (even if it was all made up.)

   This book is a little vulgar. Lots of F-bombs and other four letter words are peppered throughout. But what surprised me more was the number of sex toys used in making some of the recipes in this book. I strongly advise anyone 18 and older to not try any of these recipes EVER! Especially the one that calls for 24 kilos of uncut cocaine. I'm pretty sure that one would kill you. 

   I found out about this book thanks to a plug from Jimmy Fallon on his show. Otherwise, I would have completely overlooked this book at the library. It's a fun read and it should be taken as such. Again, this is a parody- please don't make any of the recipes in this book! They will make you very sick at the very least.

    Lastly, if any of this book's real writers ever stumble across this review, I just would like you to know you spelled the title of your book wrong. It's a joke in my wife's family to spell Food F-U-D. But you forgot to put those two tiny dots over the U in Fuds. If you ever make a 2nd printing or a sequel, I hope you guys will put the correct accent mark over the U! Otherwise, you just look silly...

   Worth Consuming!

   Rating: 8 out of 10 stars.

"K-Pax II: On a Beam of Light"

The character of Robert Porter is some much more interesting than prot. Finally, we get to the root of just what made human become alien. There still is a ton of patients to keep straight, but it’s very engaging. I cannot wait to read K-Pax III.

Worth Consuming.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Book 7)

WORTH CONSUMING!

My least favorite of all 7 Potter books. I truly hate the lack of being at Hogwarts and all. True, I know it was needed for the plot and no way could Harry be truly safe from the Dark Lord there. Still, I liked the ending and the epilogue. In fact, I beat me goal to read all 7 books before Halloween by less than 3 weeks to go!!!! Not bad for a first timer.

In closing, I felt really sad it had to end, but I’ve heard rumors of an 8th book, so who knows. At least there are still a couple of movies to be made.

The Vile Village (A Series of Unfortunate Events, No. 7)

WORTH CONSUMING!

 So far my ranking is (read so far…) goes like this:

Book Two, Book Five, Book Seven, Book Six, Book Four, Book One, Book Three.

I like the unique turn this book took compared to the other volumes. It’s getting really good!!!

 

 

The Miserable Mill - Book 4 of A Series of Unfortunate Events

WORTH CONSUMING!

Much better than book three. Why, you ask? It’s simple…. There’s no Count Olaf until like page 103 in this book. The guy is a letch and I can’t stand him. Plus, for once a book in the series finally lived up to its name. The mill really was miserable.

So, my pick of rank in the series (read so far…) goes like this:

Book Two, Book Four, Book One, Book Three.